Why Oh Why Do Wizard's Not Have Common Sense!
by BlueRubyBeat
Summary: Oh Merlin! We're all going to die! Wait, I mean my dumb husband is going to die! I can't believe my idiot husband has no common sense! Oh wait, yes I can because he's a wizard!


**Why Oh Why Do Wizard's Not Have Common Sense?!**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Harry Potter characters, J.K. Rowling does.

"Avada Kedavra!" – Speaking

'Knowledge is power!' – Thoughts

*Numa Numa Dance* – Actions

**~.~**

**Lily POV**

Oh Merlin! We're all going to die! Wait, I mean my dumb husband is going to die! I can't believe my idiot husband has no common sense! Oh wait, yes I can because he's a wizard! And we all know wizards have _no_ common sense…well, only pureblood and half-blood wizards born and raised in the magical world because they don't think _logically_ like we muggleborn's and half-bloods raised in the muggle world.

It was supposed to be a special romantic cruise for our one-year anniversary with Alice and Frank Longbottom (we're married on the same day) but it has turned into a nightmare! Right now I'm on a pile of metal floating on water but quickly sinking because my man decided to _take_ _over _the ship and hit a coral reef. I'm just glad this ship isn't as big as the _Titanic_ or it'd be a lot _worse_. Because the more people on a sinking ship, the more stupid people we have around making problems.

*Sigh* I don't know what I see in him but I love him anyway, or I think I do...I'm quite confused because of Alice's advances. But he will be on the couch for a _long_ time when this is over, unless he can't get out of prison for his stupidity. Or…there's the more permanent option…? Why is Frank so impassive toward's Alice even when she flirts with _my_ husband! I'd like to hex her real good!

Anyways, we can't get off this sinking cruise because it's _very_ dangerous and _really_ stupid to apparate across the ocean, I already had to stop him from doing it…_twice, _and Alice and Frank _once_. Not to mention my guy and friends can't swim, so I have to be the one to save them when they sink, naturally.

So now I'm sitting on a balcony watching the people freak out and collide into one another to reach the life boats. *Snort* People can be so stupid in life or death situations, whether they be a muggle or magical.

I can't help but think this all happened because of a dare…And since he _was_ a major prankster in school and a smaller one now but he just _loves_ dares! I don't know whether to laugh or cry because he wasn't the only one who cut this trip short!

**3****rd**** POV**

_**~~Flashback Start~~**_

"_James," Lily sighs, "I just want a relaxing cruise. Can you please do that for me?"_

"_But Lily! We have been relaxing for the past few days!" James comments back…more like whining. "I want to do something more exciting!"_

_Lily looks at him saucily, "Then what do you call our 'fun time' together in the evening. Hmm? Just a romp in the sheets? Is it not exciting at all?" Lily finishes with a pout and a finger to her lips making it seem as if he's hurting her feelings._

"_Uh…" James flickers his eyes back and forth like he's caught unsuspectingly in a prank. "Now Lily-flower, it's _very_ exciting in the evening with you but…" James stops at the look on Lily's face as she narrows her eyes at him with her hair crackling a bit. Frank smiles bemusedly at us and enjoying the show, while Alice glares at me...what's her problem?_

_*Ahem* "I'm sorry, but what were you going to finish with?" Lily subtly warns._

"_Er," James is momentarily stuck before he finishes smoothly (or at least he thinks so), "But I want to add a _bit _more flavor in our 'fun time'!"_

_Lily nods her head while giving him a quick kiss to the cheek, "That's what I thought." She turns her attention back to her charms textbook that is charmed to look like a muggle romance novel._

_"I'd like to give _you_ a bit more flavor," Alice purrs and James subtly looks at her and gives her a wink before scheming._

_With Lily's attention occupied, James has to think of something to do in meantime. He can't go swimming in the pool because he _can't_ swim. Yeah, Lily found it hilarious when she realized that he went booked a honeymoon on a cruise because she always wanted to go on one. So he dampened his fear of drowning for his Lily-flower, which earned him a very _very_ great time on their first night. James had such a lecherous smile on his face the next day._

_*Sigh* 'Now what am I going to do?' James thinks to himself. Looking around at the couples (it's an adult cruise only), he sighs longingly for something more fun than his nightly exercises with Lily. 'I_ _could_ hang_ out with Alice. It would keep me occupied and I'm sure Lily won't mind.' _

_'Nah, I need to think of something else, I'm not really in the mood for being an exhibitionist at the moment, maybe later. Hmm…I've always wanted to drive a boat ever since I've heard about it…I wonder how I can convince Lily…?'_

"_So, I was wondering?" James comments offhandedly to check if Lily is listening._

"_Mmhmm," Lily nods her head._

'_So she's not paying me full attention, this just might work,' James smiles at this thought. "I want to know if the captain will let paying customers onto the bridge?"_

"_Hmm?" Now Lily pays attention. "No he wouldn't, why do you want to know James?"_

'_I have to step up my game since she's paying attention,' James grins mentally. "Well, I want to know how to steer a ship so when I buy you one we can go sailing anytime we want," he finishes while giving Lily his most innocent and I-love-you-so-I'll-do-anything-for-you look._

_Lily turns back to her book, "Yeah James, well the only way they'd let you in the cabin is if someone dared you…Oh bugger."_

"_You _dared_ me?! I accept your challenge Lily!" James declares before running off with Alice right behind him saying, "Wait for me Jamie!"_

"_I think I just made a _big_ mistake," Lily mumbles as she watches James disappears around the corner. "How bad could the consequences of a dare be?"_

_"I don't know but I think we should pack our bags and keep them on us Lily," Frank comments dryly._

_**~~Flashback End~~**_

**Lily POV**

'I should have just ignored James and none of this would have happened,' Lily sighs. 'And just think, it was all because I mentioned I wanted to go on a cruise in my sixth year.'

*Sigh* I'll never mention stuff like this ever again. I better go get James (and Alice) and hopefully he's not tied up because of doing something illegal…Never mind, that's just fools' hope.

It'll take some time to weasel James out of their clutches…I'll just have to think of a good plan, it can't be that hard can it?

**~~Some time later~~**

**3****rd**** POV**

'Wow! This lying is _really_ easy. I don't know why I haven't done it before,' Lily thinks as she talks to the captain.

"So you see captain, I'm sorry for my brother...and sister, but he's mentally handicapped and gets in trouble for his fantasies. While my sister tries to keep him occupied when I'm busy," Lily smiles innocently while nodding toward her 'brother and sister' who stares at her thinking, 'How can she lie so _well_?'

"His fantasies?" The captain asks. "And why is he looking at you like that?"

"Yes, his fantasies. I wanted to do him some good and take him on a cruise before he's stuck at home for a while. But he must have not taken his medicine this morning and when he doesn't take his medicine he thinks his fantasies are real. And this fantasy is about being a captain of a pirate ship," Lily finishes before looking at James, "And James honey, I'm sorry for breaking into your 'fun time' but we really must be going. We can continue to have fun after we leave. Alright?"

Her last sentence is a warning, 'Do as I say or you'll suffer the consequences.'

Nodding his head, James replies, "Okay sister Lily. I just wanted to have some fun. I'm sorry."

Even though Lily is getting them out of a situation, Alice still glares at Lily for calling James mentally handicapped.

"It's okay dear, let's just go home and get some rest," Lily smiles while patting him on the head like a good little boy. "C'mon Alice, we have to get James home."

"Okay, but you'll have to pay some fines for what your brother did," the captain comments before they leave.

"Okay, we have money from our parents before they passed away. We'll pay the fines for the damage done. And I'm really sorry for what happened," Lily 'genuinely' states before leaving for the life-boats.

**~~Back at home in Britain~~**

"Whoo! I'm glad to be back and that was a _great_ adventure! I never knew that driving a boat could be that fun! And Alice...Maaaaannnn, what a _fine_ co-captain she is!" James laughs loudly not knowing that the consequences of his actions will be dire.

"Oh James _honey_," Lily calls sweetly behind him.

James turns around to his wife while saying and completely missing Lily's tone, "And that lie you told the captain! Ohhhh! It was way better than anything a Marauder could cook up!"

*Coughs* "James," Lily states quietly which in turn makes James as silent as a dementor gliding across a room.

"Y-Yes Lily-flower?" James gulps noticing the lightning bolts flying from her eyes.

"You disregarded me on this cruise when we weren't having fun in bed," James tries to interrupt but Lily silences him. "And you acted like a child who wanted to do nothing like an adult besides snogging me like one of your broom cupboard girls in Hogwarts. In fact, Alice was propositioning you the _whole_ time! Did you take her up on that?"

"B-bu—"

"No! Listen to me! You've been acting like half your age _and_ you left me to pick up your mess and bail you out! It was not only embarrassing, but you _made_ me lie to get you out of trouble! Why would you do that James?! I thought you loved me and grew up for me?" Lily desperately asks him while glaring through tears.

"I was just having _fun_! I don't know if you know if that is in your vocabulary but you should look it up sometime!" James glares heatedly back.

Sneering worthy of Severus Snape, Lily states, "If you just wanted to have fun, why didn't you _marry_ Sirius then?!"

"Well maybe I will, he'd be a _lot_ more fun than a shrew like _you_!"

"Then fine you jerk! I don't want to be called a pedophile for marrying a child in a man's body anyway, I don't know what I was thinking! I hope you get a disease from your harlot!" Lily storms out of the house.

"Oh go back to your dwelling you library crab!" James finishes while the door slams shut with a sounding 'CRACK'! "At least Alice is a better romp than you!"


End file.
